Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
