How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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