he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
MIDGETS
????
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize