The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
