Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
