I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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