yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What a dumb baby whore.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
