your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
