The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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