I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
