I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
