I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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