so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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