They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
