I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
