I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
