Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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