...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
