I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
