Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
