Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
