Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
