She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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