so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
