the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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