It's Friday. Sex?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
