I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I cut my penus on the lid.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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