dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
