I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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