clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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