I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
