guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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