I puked a lego.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
