I want to have your abortion
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
