I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
there is glitter all over my balls
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