we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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