Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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