did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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