says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
