i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you never un-have a 4some
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
