Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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