I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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