is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
