I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
