i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
