you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
