he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
birth control should be required to get into college
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
