Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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