Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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