you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
