i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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