New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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