did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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