So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
