I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
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he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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