Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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