No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
