I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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