why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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