I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
