My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
