i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
