Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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