did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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