The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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