dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
