smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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