woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
