I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
