Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
