I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
