So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
