'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
