No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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