I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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