So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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