It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
