Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
