Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
