White coat. Heels.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
