Your face is a jimmy john
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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