ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
