i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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