Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
