Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
