my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
